Seamus never argued loudly like that unless he was seriously pissed. And truly, Seamus did not really know why he was so agitated with James today. He was used to the way James acted and honestly, anticipated that his behavior would be like that. So what was it about today? There was absolutely nothing different about today, nothing unique. The only difference was that Seamus was in a mood of sorts, one that he hadn’t been in for a good long while. He felt like picking a fight, and he did, with one of his closest friends. Now this was all sounding stupid to him. Attack the people you love, right, Seamus? Now he felt like a giant asshole and an idiot. And there was no way that he could apologize right now, unless he really wanted a fight and a black eye or perhaps a broken nose. Anyways, now that he was less angry and feeling regret for his actions, he thought he might as well let those sink in and let that be enough of a reprimand for what he had done. So, now he sulked, and put back into a mood, but this time it was a more remorseful one. He liked the angry one better, but knew better than to let his anger eat away at him again.
James moved his mouse around a little, his eyebrows pinched together as the monitor came out of hibernation mode. His half-edited Bloodborne video sat there on the screen, but that was honestly the last thing on his mind —- perhaps it made sense for him to take his anger out on multiple Huntsmen, but he didn’t want to accidentally take his anger out on surrounding technology too. So that’s why he just continued to sit there in his char, spinning it slightly by kicking his heels off the ground, wondering why the fuck he thought it was a good idea to just snap back. Fair enough, Seamus started it, but James wasn’t a child in preschool. He should have just apologized and moved on – but he didn’t, ‘cause he’s the most stubborn guy he knows and he didn’t see that changing any time soon. He considered getting up and going over there but he didn’t feel like making matters worse – why should Seamus want to even look at him after James totally flipped his shit? James knew he could go a little over-the- top at times, but that had never stopped him in the past.
As he held James and the sobs returned, shaking the both of them, Seamus felt as if his heart was cracking. Seeing your best friend in so much pain wasn’t something that anyone wanted to see, especially if they were crying this hard. But even though it was painful to see James and hold him while he was sobbing, he would rather have to deal with the pain too than James having to endure it alone.
He also felt a little bit bad when James felt the need to apologize for crying on his shirt. Seamus really didn’t mind, it was just tears and maybe some snot. It was alright, it would wash out. “Oh, it’s okay. It’s just an old Slurm shirt. I have a ton of them. It won’t stain, anyways. Don’t worry about it.”
Even though James was noticeably larger than his friend, he felt small. Very small, and very weak. At this point he couldn’t really give a shit how terrible he must look —- he didn’t feel as though Seamus cared much about that, anyway. That provided him with some relief, at least. He moved back a little to wipe his nose with his sleeve once again, trying his best to swallow the thick lump boiling in the back of his throat —- it felt like something was stuck back there, and James would honestly have preferred it that way.
He should be working and yet here he is, bawling like a child to his best friend. Had it been anyone else James didn’t know what he’d have done, he just knew he felt ‘comfortable’ crying in front of Seamus. Comfortable in the sense that he didn’t feel judged, yet that hardly took away from the crushing pain that still rushed through him. It was going to destroy him, he was almost certain.
❝
Maybe, but that still doesn’t–
❞
a sniff
❝
–change the fact that I’m sat here wailing away like a fucking idiot. I’m really sorry, just– fuck, I’m sorry.
❞
Enraged, Seamus sat in his chair. Completely disregarding his computer or any technology, he just sat there loathing James. His bitter annoyance had escalated to complete fury from the Irish man. He didn’t feel like turning on his computer and possibly becoming more frustrated or especially trying to play a game, when he was this pissed off. He could easily get fed up and break something. Though that wasn’t really in his nature, he could be pushed to that point and regret making a mess of something. Like he had likely made a mess of his friendship with James. James. Just letting his thoughts return to him made his blood begin to boil again.
This was fucking bullshit. James was pissed off and angry and pretty much every single negative emotion there was to feel – James definitely felt it, alright. But since he was as stubborn as they came, he obviously wasn’t going to do anything about it. He was even considering smashing his keyboard to bits purely to let his anger out —- and also ‘cause he felt like it was watching him funny. If anyone looked at him the wrong way he was sure he was going to snap. Usually he wouldn’t be so mad at such a thing, but it was Seamus. He felt as though everyone was starting to turn against him, and that made him FURIOUS.
“You know what? Fuck you! Literally go fuck yourself! I’m done with your absolute fucking bullcrap!” Seamus was getting to the point where he wanted to get physically violent with James and even though he was seething, he knew that he did not want to pick a fight with the much larger man. Also there was a part of him that knew that more than feelings would be hurt and their friendship would be on the line if they hit each other. The blond man was not really the violent type, either.
So Seamus fled the room, leaving behind the very angry James and stomping towards his office. Jordan gave him a look but backed off and said nothing when he saw the look on his friend’s face. It was rare that Seamus would get even close to this angry and nobody really bothered him when he was. So, he made it to his room without interruption, slamming the door and flopping down in his chair. He didn’t bother to turn on the light, so he sat there raging in the dark.
James kept his eyes on Seamus as he made his exit, shooting daggers at his back as he did so. It wasn’t as though James never expected to get shit about this particular topic– because honestly, he knew his outbursts could get extremely irritating, but would that stop him? Absolutely not, he wanted those fuckers to cut shit out and that was why he made such a fuss over certain things – but he never expected it to be from Seamus. James getting provoked in any way seemingly angers him unless it comes with reasonable explanation. Yes, fair enough, Seamus made his points, but James was already in a pissy mood to begin with so the timing was not exactly ideal. It never really is, to be honest.
Once Seamus was gone, James immediately, based on instinct, resorted to practically falling on to his seat and squeezing his stress-ball profusely. He didn’t want to find himself storming out after Seamus and giving him a piece of his mind, ‘cause honestly at this point he was certainly tempted to. He rocked back and forth a little in his seat, staring at his blank monitor icily.
“There was no need for me to yell at you? There was no need for your whiny ass to sit there and fucking complain about the littlest shit that bothers your oh-so-precious self. I think it was about time someone stepped up and asked you to shut the fuck up for once. No one asked you to be a little shit today and spill your every problem to the world, so I did what nobody else seemed to want to do and stood up to you. I can see why they wouldn’t though, you’re a fucking ridiculous idiotic asshat today!”
❝
If I really was half as bad as you’re being right now, I would have gone and fucked myself long ago because Jesus fucking Christ are you giving me a head- ache. What happened to calmly confronting me, like, ‘oh hey James, would you mind toning it down a bit?’ but nooo, you had to poop your little frilly pants right off the bat without even giving me the chance to fucking blink. Not once had you told me I was being over-the-top —- why are you even TALKING to me, then? You’re actually making the situation like, ten times worse by fucking provoking me about it, you know. ❞
Seamus almost left the room to let James cry alone in peace, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt really bad for his friend right now, and he felt that the worst thing he could do was leave him alone. He had stepped backwards a few feet but regained those steps, cautiously edging closer. If James was this upset, he really didn’t think leaving him alone was a good idea.
“Don’t apologize. You’re obviously really upset and that is never something you should apologize for. You don’t have to talk about it, just let me stay in here with you, until you at least feel a little better. I want to stay, until you stop crying. I mean, if that’s okay.” The blond man wasn’t sure how well this next thing would blow over with James, but he figured he might as well try it.
Waling around the desk in the dark room, he came up next to James and put his arms around his shoulder, bending down so he could wrap them around his shoulders easier. He began turning the chair a bit so that James was facing him. Taking one hand, he placed it on the back of James’ head and gently guided it to his chest. And there he squatted, holding a sobbing James to his chest.
James sat in complete silence, aside from the occasional sniff or blubber, not even bothering to object when Seamus refused to leave. If anything, he was somewhat relieved —- someone was willing to sit there and put up with his shit. But at the same time, he was humiliated. He wasn’t supposed to be seen this way, this wasn’t who he was. What happened to the happy-go-lucky, loud-mouthed bouncy guy with the wild laugh and the profound rage? He obviously wasn’t here today, that was for sure.
He nodded slowly as he listened to his friend, but he couldn’t help but think about how embarrassing this whole thing was for him. Despite that, there was a part of him somewhere that just did not give a shit —- why shouldn’t he cry? He’s human. He just felt weak. His emotions had clearly just managed to get the better of him; he couldn’t fight them off for once. And he hated that. Abhorred it, even.
As Seamus came towards him, James instantly froze up, but he soon found himself relaxing a little once he realized his friend’s intentions. As soon as he felt the side of his face press against Seamus’ chest, his shoulders began heaving up and down, signalling that the waterworks had started up again.
“That’s funny, because I don’t remember asking for your opinion on what I should be doing. And don’t even start talking about your patience, I’m pretty sure everyone that even remotely knows you would agree that your patience doesn’t exist! There you go, fucking complaining about how you don’t have time! Of course you fucking have time! Just like the rest of us that work in this office, in case you didn’t realize, we all have a shit ton of free time because we all have the same exact job description. If I have time to pick a fight with you, surely to God you have time too. It’s not like you have anything important to be doing, you’ve spent your whole day complaining anyways!”
❝HEY! I don’t want to fucking HEAR it, you got it? You can talk out of your ass all you fucking want but it’s not going to change the fact that I do not give a shit. All you’re doing is riding your fucking high horse trying to make a point that doesn’t need to be made —- ‘cause it’s bullshit. What the fuck do you mean I have time to pick a fight? I didn’t pick shit! You came storming on over here claiming to be the fucking master of handling non-existent fucking situations, and now all you’ve done is make me mad. I can’t fucking believe you —- there was no need. ❞
“Yes, because I’m the type of person to get scream and sound very angry when I’m just fucking with someone. Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t find them as fucking annoying as your ass?”
❝
Okay, I don’t know who shit in your cereal but I don’t really have the time or the patience to sit here being bitched at. Especially when it’s coming from you – what happened to ‘not getting involved’ and ‘remaining neutral’? Neutral my ass. Sit the fuck down, dude, do yourself a favor.
❞
The expression on Seamus’ face went from neutral to a genuinely concerned frown. He had been coming in to ask James something but stopped completely in his tracks when he saw his friend hunkered down in his office chair. His chest hurt slightly at the sound of the normally very angry man’s sobs. Seamus hated so see people cry, especially someone so close to him.
The blond man could see James’ body shake with his every sniffle and sob, and it was easily one of the most upsetting things he had seen for a long time. Seamus took a step forward, and despite James asking him to not look at him, that was all he could do, his concerned gaze stuck on his friend.
“James?” He moved a few feet closer. “What’s wrong?”
There was no point in trying to deny anything anymore, especially now that James had been caught in the moment. His worst, possible fucking moment. He looked up to see Seamus and all he could do was shake his head, before letting out another choked sob. He then quickly averted his eyes to the floor once again. He hated being seen like this.
He wiped at his eyes with the hem of his hoodie, shaking his head frantically as he tried desperately to stop the tears. Knowing someone actually gave a shit helped him somewhat, but it didn’t stop some drops from slowly sliding down his cheeks.
❝
I can’t talk about it, it sounds so fucking stupid. I’m sorry, man, I shouldn’t be sitting in here anyway —- I’ll come out in a sec, just– fuck, I’m sorry.
❞
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